Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Time. The only truth.

I can't believe this is actually the first opportunity I've had to sit and write since August 11th. Well, that's sort of a lie. I've had time, I just decided not to make any. Life's like that though. Just today, I had a complete meltdown at work. My tears, frustration and loss of sleep is the result of time - and lack of it. Not enough seconds in each minute to complete everything needed and expected of me. Doesn't it seem like there is never enough time? You love your kids, but they grow too fast. You can't wait to go on vacation - but you blink your eye and your back in your office chair, broke with a faded tan. Sometimes I force myself to not think about the things I'm excited about hoping to prevent the event from coming to fruition. In contrast, the moments I dread I can't seem to shake. Imagining Cooper and Wyatt going off to college, getting married, moving away....Moments that I'm sure will bring buckets of joy, pride and sadness when the time comes. I know my boys are on loan, but knowing that fact doesn't make the inevitable any easier. Lots of mom's I know - especially those with kids under 10 can't wait until they have their own lives back again - an empty house and an open road. Ah, Pete and I can take that cross country trip out on Route 66, and sleep in on the weekends!! Then I hear Wyatt's feet at 4 am run across the floor and jump into my bed to snuggle and I wonder how can I ever have a morning without this? Or seeing Cooper play his Lego's, building these amazing multi-layered jets knowing the kid wants to be a pilot and one day he will. I know these boys will always love me, but they will need me in a different way than they do now. And although that's the circle of life and how it's suppose to go, returning to "my life" when the best life I've know has been with my sons will be impossible. Your probably thinking - "you have plenty of time". A river of force, such a constant and inevitable thing. Time, it's really the only truth.