Sunday, April 4, 2010
I know - I can't. I'm just saying IF I could go back - things would have been different. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot in my 36 years I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China like my childhood friends, my relationship with my family, and my sense of adventure. I wouldn't change the places I've lived - or the college I chose but I do wish I knew myself as a teenager. If I knew myself at 15 I'd beg me to end the relationship with that guy I'd end up spending the next 6 years of my life with. If I knew myself at 17 - I'd tell me to stop spending my afternoons after school watching General Hospital and get me to join a school sport instead. I wouldn't of been so afraid to fail. I wouldn't of cared what people thought of me, because I did back then I guess like all teenagers do. I never thought I was pretty or smart enough. Instead of being with myself and liking me - I constantly compared myself to everyone else. If only the 17 year old me had the courage and personality the 36 year old does. I like myself more now than I ever have. I would be friends with me, if I met myself now. I guess that's evolution. You grow up slowly liking (then loving) yourself until eventually you retire, move someplace warm and thankfully stop giving a shit about what the world thinks about you. If I could go back - I'd start old and grow young, bringing the wisdom and confidence of old age along with me when I really needed it -back then.